“I’m telling you right *insert curse here* now, Leila; that *insert long innuendo here* tonight, if you know what I mean.” Mark said, swaggering up to the tree I had just tried to punch. I whined and covered my ears.
“I didn’t sign up for this!” I complained, closing my eyes.
“Well *curse-curse-innuendo* you too.” Mark said, beginning to punch the tree.
“MY INNOCENCE! MY INNOCENCE!!!!!” I wailed while Yami dragged Mark away; no doubt to remind him of his current company’s age range.
“Well that’s something I didn’t need to hear…” Rose said, grimacing. “This is why I didn’t really show you much of the drunk minecraft series.”
“Well so much for that!” I shouted, aiming my yell in Mark’s general direction. I sighed, looking up at my sister’s avatar. “Well, while they’re talking about… whatever.” I shivered. “Why don’t we go over the controls?” I thought back to the controls real quick, it had been a while since I had last played minecraft. I heard Mark shouting foul things in the distance, so I walked a bit away and turned back to my sister’s avatar.
“Ok, you ready?” I asked her. She nodded her avatar. “Ok good, so you’ve got at least the looking around part down.” I exhaled loudly. “Alrighty. So WASD to move, that means W is forwards…” I walked forwards a bit. “S is down.” I walked back. “A is left.” I walked left. “And D is right.” I walked right.
“*innuendo-innuendo*!!!!” Mark shouted.
“For goodness sakes Mark, Shut up!!” Yami shouted back at him.
“Simple enough, usual game mechanics.” Rose said, experimenting a bit.
“Yeah, Mark uses a lot of the same controls for the other games he plays, so just think about those.” I told her. “For instance, Left shift to crouch…” I found myself crouching. I furrowed my eyebrows and stood up normally, adjusting my Kimono. “And space to—” I jumped once. “… Jump.” I raised an eyebrow. “Space?” I jumped once again. I chuckled, well that was interesting. “Also, left click to hit a block or use a weapon, and right click to place a block. That’s about it.” I heaved a sigh, “So, you ready to give it a shot?”
“Might as well.” She said. I glanced to Yami and Mark, they didn’t seem to be ready to help. I chose to ignore them as I walked back to the tree that I had previously tried to hit. I took a deep breath, and threw a punch. A small chip of the wood was knocked away, and I barely felt a thing. I grinned, going rapid-fire at the block of wood. A few hits later, and it was floating on the ground. I reached for it to pick it up… and I couldn’t grab it. I frowned, trying to grasp it again. I failed. I huffed, glancing at my sister who was working on another tree. The trees were about the same height, and were close enough that if we had enough wood we could connect them. I guess she figured that way Mark and I could be separate, so I wouldn’t have to hear him all the time. Thankful that she could actually pick the items up, since she was just controlling hers via computer and not actually having to struggle like I was, I turned back to the lone block of wood.
“Stand back, you *curse*!” Mark shouted, striding up to us as Yami slowly crouch-walked over. Evidently, his little talk was unsuccessful. “The *innuendo* has arrived!” I sighed, I didn’t need this. I continued trying to grab the block, still failing miserably. “Need some help with that?” Mark asked me, suddenly right next to me. I yelped a bit, jumping in surprise as I turned to him. Mark leaned over me and reached for the block; his eyes on me the whole time. I, of course, leaned backwards, not really wanting to be near him at the minute. His breath smelled like alcohol and Dr. Pepper, and his eyes kept having to re-focus.
“Mark, you have the block, get off her.” Yami said. I blinked and looked up, Mark had indeed managed to grab the block. I stared at Mark with an air of disgust and I shoved him off of me, brushing off my Kimono. Mark stood back up and held the block up triumphantly. I huffed, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it seemed like Mark would have to stay with me every step up the tree, since he could apparently grab the blocks and I couldn’t… for now. But his grin was getting to me, so I took the liberty of punching him in the face. Yami went over to help Rose, and I began to make the staircase up to the top of the tree.
We reached the top of the tree, and I turned around to face Mark.
“Ok, mister hotshot.” I said to him. “I need you to make those blocks of wood into planks of wood so we can start building, got it?” I asked through gritted teeth. As much as I liked Mark, the non-stop cursing and innuendoes had gotten to me. I came from a somewhat strict house, and I was not only not used to such constant words and thoughts, but he said these things so nonchalantly that he was really getting on my nerves. Not to mention the fact that most of his innuendoes were aimed towards me, which I was not at all fond of.
“Absolutely, Miss boss woman!” Mark told me, saluting me. I grumbled nonsense frustratedly as I walked across the bridge Yami had made between the trees. I reached my sister and hid behind her, trying to grab a fallen plank of wood and only managing to move it a bit.
“Looks like the mechanics are different for us, huh?” She asked me calmly. I sighed, still struggling.
“You got that right.” I told her. “I can understand why you guys get it; but why can Mark get it and I can’t!?”
“Well maybe you’re just over thinking it.” She told me. I huffed,
“What’s there to think about?” I asked, turning around to face her. “You just pick it up and hold it! It shouldn’t be this—” As I said these words, the block ended up in my hand, and I held it up to her. I stared at it for a minute, and I could tell even without looking that she was slowly forming a grin. “Not one word out of you.” I told her.
I couldn’t help but giggle at my sister’s predicament. I was also relieved to see that she was alright.
“Would you quit laughing!?!” She all but yelled. I wiped away a tear as I calmed down.
“Sorry, it was just too perfect.” I replied softly. It was then that I heard my phone ring. I froze at the familiar ringtone.
“Is that music?” Leila asked.
“It’s my phone. Mom’s calling.” I answered staring at the phone trying to think of what to do.
“You can’t answer that. What if Creepyplier finds the signal?” She asked me.
“Well if we don’t answer it, then Mom will get mad at us.” I reminded her.
“What’s worse, an angry mom, or Creepyplier finding and torturing us?” She questioned. There was a small pause.
“An angry mom.” We both said at exactly the same moment. I sighed, turning to Yami.
“I’m going to have to take this call; so I’ll be going away for a while.” I said.
“Well… when will you be back?” Yami asked worriedly.
“I should be back in about an hour; two tops.” I told him, exiting out of minecraft and grabbing my bow and quiver; running to the door.
“So if you take longer I have full permission to panic.” I heard Yami murmur as I was about to close the door behind me.
“Oh, no you don’t. There are some weapons under the bed; and some extras in the closet as well.” I reminded him. “No panicking for you.”
“Ooh; burn!!” Mark said through the speakers as I left the safe house.
I exited the safe house, listening to mom’s worried message. After I put a good amount of distance between myself and the safe house; I called her back.
“Hello?” Mom answered the call, the worry apparent in her voice.
“Hey mom.” I greeted hesitantly.
“Rose! Thank goodness you’re alright!” She said, “Why didn’t you answer my call?”
“Sorry, I was… caught up in something.” I told her. “What is it? What did you need to tell me?”
“I just wanted to make sure you two were alright!” She replied. “We’ve gotten dozens of reports of some kind of virus that makes people into, for lack of a better term, zombies!” I gulped, remembering what happened to the guards.
“Yeah, I heard about that too.” I said.
“The story is all over the news; they’re sending samples to the CDC, hoping to find a cure. There are random attacks not only in the US, but all over the world. I just wanted to make sure you two were ok.” She said to me.
“Yes we’re fine, but you need to be careful too. You work as a nurse; so if anyone gets sick, so you would be one of the ones to see them. The last thing we need is for you to get sick too.” I told her worriedly.
“Now don’t worry about me; I’m more worried about you and your sister! Is everything alright over there? Can I talk to her?”
“Well don’t worry, everything’s find over here. I’m afraid she’s a little busy at the moment, so she can’t come to the phone. But I’m keeping an eye on her; we’re both safe.”
“That’s good I suppose. Tell her I said hi, and that I love you both. Be careful.”
“Love you too mom. We’ll see you guys soon.”
“Bye-bye.” With that mom hung up. I took a deep breath, slowly putting away the phone and grasping my weapon tightly. ‘Next time I see Creepyplier; he is SO getting an arrow up the butt.’ I thought, gritting my teeth angrily. I wandered the area around me in sort of a daze; I couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible was going to happen to Mom. I wandered into a forest and sighed, about to take another step when I heard a crunch of leaves behind me. I gasped and jumped into a tree, climbing it as silently as I was able. As I looked through the branches; I was slightly surprised to find Creepyplier looking for me. Still angry for causing the mess in the first place; I quickly knocked an arrow and aimed for his backside. ‘Is this the wisest thing to do? Nope. Will this get us in trouble later? Most likely. Will it be worth it?’ A sly grin formed on my face. ‘Heck yes!’ And with that, I let the arrow fly.
“Aah! My nards!!!” Mark suddenly shouted, holding onto his hindquarters and bending backwards in pain. I gave him a strange look, I hadn’t seen anything hit him. A small health meter appeared above him, showing that he lost about a fourth of his health. Mark eventually let go of himself, and the health bar went away.
“What was that?” Yami asked.
“It was probably the crazed butt stabber.” I replied instantly, not even thinking of what Mark might turn the statement into. Sure enough…
“The crazed butt stabber wants to *innuendo*!!” Mark shouted, bouncing around in the near-finished house we were making. I cringed, turning away from Mark as I continued making the wall. I wished I hadn’t said anything. Mark laughed for a while, calling out for the Crazed butt-stabber to come out. I rolled my eyes and finished the wall, placing a door between me and Mark. I put the remainder of the items we had amassed away in a hidden chest, and I covered that with a block of dirt.
“Hey, Leila; where’d you go?” I heard Mark ask. “Leila! Don’t leave me like this, Leila!!” He shouted, banging on the door. “Leila… you can come out now… I promise I won’t bite.” Mark said eerily, looking in through the window as much as he could. I sighed, going out the back door and down the stairs.
“I’m going to look for some sheep, you wanna come, Yami?” I called to Yami’s avatar that was also halfway down, punching some leaves in search of spare wood.
“Oh yeah, sure.” He replied, following me down the steps.
“Wait for meeeeee!!!” Mark called after us, falling rather un-gracefully to the ground, where he nearly died.
“Hey guys!” I heard my sister call through Yami’s headphones. “You’ll never guess what I just did.”
“What did you just did?” I asked, helping Mark stand. I usually disregarded grammar when speaking to my siblings if I was bored.
“Ok, well; after the conversation with mom. Which… she says hi and love you by the way… But anyway, the good news—”
“Is she alright!? There aren’t any zombies over where she is, are there?” I shouted, letting Mark fall to the ground again.
“Would you stop letting me take damage!?” Mark shouted, almost sounding like he was sober.
“What’s up with Mark?” Rose asked, avoiding the question.
“He got hit by something earlier—”
“IN THE NARDS!” Mark decided to add. I sighed,
“Yes, it hit him where the sun doesn’t shine.” I confirmed. “And just now he—”
“Wait a second.” My sister interrupted. There was a small pause as my sister walked closer to the screen, and hence Yami’s mic. “Are you serious? He got hit in the…. Well, where the sun doesn’t shine.”
“Yes, I believe that’s what I said.” I told her as Mark sat down to try and catch his breath. “Why do you ask?” There was silence once again.
“Because I was just about to say that I scored a hit on Creepyplier on his backside.” She told us. I made a face that showed both surprise and disbelief, and I glanced between Mark and Yami’s avatar several times.
“But… I…… How….?” I couldn’t properly process the question, but luckily for me, my sister understood me close enough.
“I have no idea.” She said.
“Maybe they’re still connected somehow.” Yami suggested. We all stared at him (at least I’m guessing Rose was) for a while, and he sighed. “Well think about it for a second. Creepyplier is tired of living under Mark, so he enhances his AI so he can escape. He switches places with Mark; but he’s not strong enough to make his own body, and he’s got no form in this world. And he can’t just toss Mark’s body into the computer. So he transfers Mark’s data; his memories, his thoughts, his entire mind, all of it into the computer’s memory bank. Then he transfers himself into Mark’s mind, and viola.”
“So when I came along, he was strong enough to transfer all of me into the computer; not just my thoughts and stuff.” I added.
“Yes, exactly.” Yami agreed. “But the thing with Mark is, Mark is still connected to his body; Creepyplier must have not gotten all of him out. And you can’t expect him to be an expert at using a body that wasn’t his in the first place. I bet that when we can’t see him, he’s going through glitches of his own, trying to take hold of Mark’s body.”
“So if we can find out when he’s most vulnerable, like when the glitches happen the most, or what makes them happen; we may be able to find the perfect time to erase Creepyplier from Mark and get Mark back!” I cheered, running to hug Mark despite his drunken state.
“But wait a second!” Rose interrupted. I stopped in my tracks and turned around. “What about you, La-la?” I stared at Yami’s avatar. Rose hadn’t used my nickname since I first tried to tell her about what was going on. That talk with Mom must have really hit her emotions deep down. “We can’t just find your body and download your personality into your brain; your whole being is in the computer! How are we going to get you out?” Her voice was hurried, and I sighed as I tried to make her calm down.
“We can figure that out later; right now we need to focus on making beds for everyone.” I told her, pulling out the three blocks of wool I had managed to get. “How much wool did you get, Yami?”
“Two blocks.” He said, tossing them on the ground. I picked them up and held the five pieces together in my hands.
“If only there were more sheep out there.” I said sadly.
“Well we found five, and that’s all there was.” Yami said. “They only—”
“I know, I know; they only drop one if killed.” I finished. “But what were we supposed to do?”
“It’s fine. Leila and I can make beds of our own with this; and you two can log out. I’m sure it’s nighttime over there by now anyway.” Mark said, suddenly sounding incredibly sobered up. I turned to face him, and I found that his health was about three-fourth of the way gone, but he was slowly getting it back.
“But I thought you needed three wool to make a bed.” Rose questioned.
“Nah, the mechanics in here work differently for you guys. I’m sure we can make one with just this.” Mark insisted. “Now go on, get some rest.”
“Well, if you’re sure you’re alright.” Yami hesitated.
“Yeah, yeah.” Mark’s health bar reached the halfway point, and he hiccupped. “We’re all good here.”
“Alright well, goodnight then you two.” Yami said.
“Careful Leila.” Rose added right before Yami logged off. I sighed, turning back to Mark.
“Alright then, let’s get started.” I told him, tossing him three of the block of wool; as he no doubt would need more room than I would.
We went up the stairs to the houses, of which only one was finished. I sighed and went to the crafting table, where I tried to make a small bed. The ingredients went inside of the box, which shook around for a bit. It popped out a few minutes later, and into my inventory went a bed. I grinned, placing it parallel to the east wall and leaving a space between the bed and the south wall. But my face fell when I realized that it had everything but the pillow. Mark on the other hand, decided to put the front of his bed right where I left the space, so the part with his pillow was in the corner. His bed was lined up with the south wall, and mine was lined with the eastern wall; so we formed a sort of arrow in the corner. I sighed, turning to Mark.
“Really. You do realize we have the whole rest of the house here you could have put your bed.” I told him.
“Yeah. But there are *curse* monsters over on that side.” He said to me, sitting down in his bed. I was about to tell him that he could still sleep over there, but then I heard a creeper on the opposite side of the house; and I resolved to stay where I was. We didn’t make any weapons yet besides a single wooden sword, and Yami had kept it after killing the sheep. The lights were out, and I really didn’t want to move from where I was. I sighed, curling up into a ball under the covers as I tried to get to sleep. I was just glad that the beds weren’t officially lined up. I began to get drowsy, and I fell halfway to sleep.
But something kept me awake. I was fine without a pillow before, but knowing Mark had one kind of made me upset and jealous.
(For those who can’t tell, this is a conversation within Leila’s subconscious. This conversation is between her regular judgment, her irregular judgment, and the judgment that just goes along with whatever the irregular judgment says. Logic and Common sense are not present in this conversation, as they went to sleep hours ago.)
MaRK HaS a PiLLoW…
Yes, I know; I’m not stealing it from him.
BuT He WouLD NeVeR KNoW…
HE’S DRUNK ANYWAY.
So? I never watched Drunk Minecraft, I have no idea how he’d act if I did that.
MayBe you CaN JuST SHaRe WiTH HiM…
What?! NO! I will not—
BRR… SuRe iS CoLD iN HeRe, iSN’T iT?
What does that have to do with anything?
You SHouLD PuLL uP The CoVeRS
SHE’S RIGHT, LET’S PULL UP THE COVERS.
*Pulls them up, scooting a bit closer to Mark’s side*
THaT’S BeTTeR. NoW, WHeRe WeRe We?
aH yeS. THaT’S RiGHT.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD LOOK AROUND FOR SOMETHING TO USE AS A PILLOW…
But I don’t want to open my eyes.
THaT’S ALRiGHT, LeT’S FeeL aRouND iNSTeaD.
*Feels around* *finds something firm and somewhat cushioned*
What is this?
*Feels cloth material*
FeeLS LiKe a PiLLoW
*Scoots a bit closer to the ‘pillow’*
IS IT SAFE?
I DoN’T KNoW. LeT’S CHeCK.
*Places hand on top of ‘pillow’* *Nothing bad happens*
FeeLS GooD To Me
Why is it warm?
WHO CARES, IT’S COMFY.
*Places head on top of ‘pillow’*
oH yeS, THiS iS NiCe.
Why is it mov—
SHH, SHH, SHH…
eVeRyTHiNG iS FiNe.
What’s that thumping noise?
Who CaReS? iT’S a PiLLoW.
AND A NICE ONE TOO.
Yes. Yes, I suppose you’re right.
You should have Mark's friends Bob and Wade log in the server (perhaps also drunk). There's a running joke that goes on in the series which would also be funny to see. In short, Mark, Bob, and Wade are all part of one server and the server's owner is named Zombiemold. Zombie has a relationship with another player named Latingoddess. Mark often pokes fun at them in the Skype call saying all the ladies love Zombiemold, and this pisses Latin off enough for her to smite him and overall attack Mark with her server powers. An animation was even made because it was so funny. You can see it here www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VWlrK… Don't worry, it's not bad